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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23883142">meet me in the afterglow</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/perfectlyrose/pseuds/perfectlyrose'>perfectlyrose</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>burn this bridge to ash [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Voltron: Legendary Defender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Canon Compliant, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Curtis/Shiro (Voltron), Post-Canon, Post-Season/Series 08, epilogue compliant, nudging the pieces back into place after breaking them</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:08:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,258</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23883142</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/perfectlyrose/pseuds/perfectlyrose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Five months after hanging up on Keith at the end of that disastrous vidcall, Shiro finds himself punching in a deleted comm code by memory. He’s standing in a half-empty house, in the smouldering wreckage of a marriage that didn’t last a full two years, and he’s ready to apologize.</p>
</blockquote><br/>In which; Shiro gets a divorce, refuses to believe Keith could be dead and sets off across the universe to find him, and has some very overdue realizations.
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Keith/Shiro (Voltron)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>burn this bridge to ash [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1684720</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>307</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>meet me in the afterglow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patch/gifts">Patch</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For the incredible Patch who made this happen and has been INCREDIBLY patient with me as it took forever to write ♥ thank you for your support and patience!!</p><p>big thanks to Jess/sequencefairy for the beta and to all of you (you know who you are) who have encouraged this and demanded that I at least partially fix the mess I made when I was gonna leave it broken.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Five months after hanging up on Keith at the end of that disastrous vidcall, Shiro finds himself punching in a deleted comm code by memory. He’s standing in a half-empty house, in the smouldering wreckage of a marriage that didn’t last a full two years, and he’s ready to apologize.</p><p>He'd started to call Keith at least a dozen times as things with Curtis fell apart for good. He wanted to talk to his best friend, however estranged they were, but he stopped himself every time. As the anger ebbed, guilt started to gnaw at him, keeping him from reaching out again and again. He wasn’t sure he deserved to call Keith his best friend after the things he’d said to him. Because when Shiro had finally been able to think about their conversation with a clearer head, it was obvious that while Keith had thrown a few verbal punches, it was Shiro who’d gone for the jugular without remorse.</p><p>He’s held onto the hope that maybe Keith will call, will send a message, but that’s been highly unlikely from the start. Keith has always made a lot of exceptions for Shiro but this obviously isn’t one of them.</p><p>Shiro takes a deep breath and hits the button to start the call. The droning buzz of the call trying to connect seems overloud as it echoes through the barren living room. Most of the furniture was Curtis’ and he’s already had it all moved to his new apartment. Shiro hasn’t bothered to go shopping for his own yet.</p><p>Three ascending tones announcing an error interrupt his thoughts before an automated voice comes on to tell him that the communicator he is trying to reach is out of range. Shiro goes cold.</p><p>He types in Keith’s comm code again, extra careful to select the right numbers.</p><p>The same emotionless voice informs him that his call cannot be completed.</p><p>Shiro stares at his comm, unable to stop thinking about how he’d thrown the accusation that Keith was just going to fly out of range without telling anyone at him and started that fight.</p><p>He remembers the way Keith never denied it.</p><p>Apparently that reality’s come to pass, now.</p><p>Shiro tries a text message, just in case.</p><p>
  <em> To Keith Kogane, 21:34 : Hey Keith, was wondering if you’d be willing to talk. I’d like to apologize. </em>
</p><p>He’s halfway through typing a second message that just says <em> I miss you </em> when an error message pops up.</p><p>Message undeliverable.</p><p>Shiro’s stomach sinks. He almost hopes that Keith has simply blocked his number instead of being so far away that messages can’t get through, even though he knows it’s not the case. Keith might not be willing to talk to Shiro, but he wouldn’t block him.</p><p>Or, at least, he doesn’t think so. Maybe he’d burned what was left of the bridge between them on that call.</p><p>A lot of things had gone up in flames that night, not the least of which was Shiro’s own delusions about his life and his relationships. He’d fought with Curtis hours before he called Keith. He doesn’t even remember what it was about, just that it was yet another crack in their crumbling marriage. He’d holed up in his office and waited to call Keith until he was sure Curtis was asleep.</p><p>He almost always waited until Curtis was asleep before calling Keith.</p><p>He should have realized it was a sign long before Keith threw the truth in his face. Probably should’ve cottoned on to something being wrong when he woke up from nightmares and just wanted to call Keith, who was halfway across the universe, instead of waking up his husband, who was merely across the king-sized bed, for comfort.</p><p>Shiro stares at the error message on his comm. He dismisses it and sends the <em> I miss you </em> anyways. The error pops up faster this time, the ping of it almost mocking now. It’s a reminder of how badly he’d fucked things up this time, of how it isn’t going to be fixed as easily as a comm call or message.</p><p>Everything had been breaking apart for so long and Shiro had been trying to hold it all, hold <em> himself </em>, together through it all. The domestic life that he sought out, that he thought he wanted, was killing him as surely and insidiously as the disease that haunted his pre-war life.</p><p>Fighting with Curtis was eerily similar to his fights with Adam at the end. Curtis didn’t yell and that meant Shiro couldn’t either unless he wanted to feel like a complete asshole. The anger and resentment stayed bottled up in his chest, unleashed only on the gym equipment and the occasional slammed door.</p><p>When things came to a head with Keith, all of the pent up venom came pouring out, spilling into a conversation that it didn’t belong in. Shiro can’t forget the stunned, hurt look on Keith’s face as Shiro’s ugly words lanced through him. He’s always felt like he could be his most honest self around Keith, and it went too far that night, exposed a part of Shiro he tries to lock away.</p><p>Shame burns in his chest whenever he remembers the words he threw at Keith, the anger his friend really hadn’t earned. God knows he’d been frustrated with Keith, with the months worth of unanswered messages and short replies whenever a response did arrive, but nothing Keith did warranted Shiro laying into him like that</p><p>Shiro hadn’t realized that the dream of taking Keith to the rebuilt diner — an exact replica of the one they used to grab lunch at when they were off-campus —  and then racing him through the desert on the pair of souped up hoverbikes he bought even though Curtis didn’t care for riding that much, was the spark keeping his future bright until it was ripped away with just a few words from Keith.</p><p>He’d built up the image — one of those sunsoaked summer days and the familiar sight of Keith across the formica table that was already stained with coffee and mustard drips and the way Keith’s smirk would break into a smile with the right provocation — until it was this shining ideal. He missed his best friend so much and had for years, even when they were still working together, and the thought of seeing Keith again, of getting to go out with him and just be himself without hiding his traumas or toning down his dark humor, was sustaining. He yearned for it, for that chance, and then Keith burst the bubble without ever realizing it had existed in the first place.</p><p>Shiro hesitates before trying to call Keith again, but his fingers hit redial anyways. Just in case.</p><p>Still no connection, no answer.</p><p>Shiro sets his comm down and goes to see if there are any kitchen utensils left to his name. His stomach’s nothing but a growling void of anxiety, but he’s used to forcing himself to eat.</p><p> </p><p>Shiro tries Keith’s number again and again and again over the next few days, hoping against hope each time that Keith will be back in range.</p><p>He never is.</p><p> </p><p>It takes a week for him to swallow what’s left of his pride and go ask Pidge if she’s heard anything from Keith. Even if he doesn’t want to talk to Shiro, Shiro would like to send a message, an inadequate apology.</p><p>He wants to know that Keith’s okay.</p><p>Walking into the Garrison without a uniform on still feels weird. Shiro tugs at the collar of his button down self-consciously, nodding at the junior officers scurrying past with sloppy salutes and too-loud whispers. They don’t know how to acknowledge him when he’s retired and in civvies, so hurried formalities and avoiding directly speaking to him seems to be the go to reaction.</p><p>It makes Shiro’s skin itch.</p><p>Pidge doesn’t actually work for the Garrison, but she contracts with them and has a lab on their campus. Shiro thinks the Garrison keeps her on for any potential innovations and to hopefully keep her under control somehow. He knows Pidge only works with them for access to the best resources on Earth and to keep the Garrison from getting into anything shadier than they already are.</p><p>His bets are always on Pidge having control of that particular arrangement.</p><p>He knocks on her lab door. It takes three tries before she actually answers, glasses glinting in the fluorescent lights. She gives him a judgmental once-over before stepping back to let him in.</p><p>“Bout time you showed up,” she says as the door closes.</p><p>“Hello to you too,” Shiro says dryly.</p><p>She glares at him. “You’ve been a hermit since you made the split with Curtis final. Come to beg for your job back.”</p><p>Shiro’s eyebrows shoot up. “No?”</p><p>“Really? Are you sure?”</p><p>“Pretty sure.”</p><p>She curses. “I owe Matt fifty GAC now, thanks a lot.”</p><p>“Sorry?”</p><p>Pidge shoos him towards one of the stools dotting her lab and settles on one herself. “Well, if you’re going to cost me money, might as well tell me why you’re here looking like a lost puppy.”</p><p>Shiro worries at his bottom lip for a second. “Have you heard from Keith lately?”</p><p>Pidge blinks at him, pushes up her glasses. “Define lately.”</p><p>“Last five months?” Shiro says with a wince.</p><p>“You haven’t talked to Keith in <em> five months </em>? Like, I know you two haven’t been attached at the hip like you used to be, but shit. What happened?”</p><p>Shiro hesitates. “We had a fight. Before that…” he trails off with a shrug, not wanting to get into it when he can’t fully explain it to himself.</p><p>Pidge gives him a too-knowing look. “And you’re trying to reach him now because…”</p><p>“I want to apologize,” Shiro says after taking a deep breath and releasing it. “Or try to, at least. He might not want to talk to me.”</p><p>“Figures you’re the reason he finally went out of range,” she mutters.</p><p>Shiro latches onto the confirmation. “So he is out of range?”</p><p>Pidge nods and looks down at the comm in her hand, fiddling with something on screen. “He’d been putting it off but I knew he’d get there eventually. He’d been going further and further out since he left after your wedding.” She pins him with a look. “He wasn’t going to come back here when things with you were weird, no matter how many of us asked.”</p><p>Shiro bites back an apology. “Is there any way to get in touch with him?”</p><p>“Are you going to make things even worse?” Pidge asks bluntly. “Because if you’re not serious about fixing whatever the fuck went bad with you two, then I’m not giving you anything. I don’t know the details and I don’t want to, but I know you hurt him.”</p><p>“I did.” A denial would be a lie, even if Shiro didn’t entirely realize he was hurting Keith at first. The things he said during their fight were undeniably tailored to destroy him. He’d aimed straight for Keith’s weakest spot, not even really processing Keith’s confession fully.</p><p>He’s still not sure he’s managed that, honestly.</p><p>He shies away from it still, focusing back on Pidge. “I really do want to apologize, even if he doesn’t want to accept. At least let him know that he can come back and see the rest of you whenever he wants without having to worry about me, if that’s what he wants.”</p><p>“Idiot,” she mumbles under her breath with a roll of her eyes.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Do you honestly think that Keith… no, nevermind. If you still can’t figure out what Keith wants then you’re a lost cause at this point.”</p><p>“I don’t understand.” Shiro feels off balance here on Pidge’s turf while she insinuates that she knows more about Keith than he does. It’s humbling to realize that she’s probably right.</p><p>She snorts. “At least you’re admitting that much.” She turns and quickly types something into the nearest holoscreen. “I’m not the one you need to convince of your intentions, though.”</p><p>Shiro’s stomach drops. “No?”</p><p>“Just sent you Krolia’s contact info. She’s the go-between right now. Heard from her about a week ago.”</p><p>“Right.” He feels like he’s hearing someone else talk at this point.</p><p>Pidge pats his arm solemnly. “Good luck.”</p><p>He’ll need it, he knows.</p><p>Pidge unceremoniously kicks him out of her lab, saying that some of them do actually have work to do. Shiro is left standing in the Garrison hallway with a new contact in his comm and a sense of dread.</p><p> </p><p>It takes him four days to summon the courage to actually call Krolia. Keith’s mother has always been terrifying, and that was back when she liked him. He is pretty positive that he is firmly on her shitlist now.</p><p>He also knows that the vague explanations he gave Pidge won’t fly when he tries to convince Krolia to let him talk to Keith or at least pass a message to him. He needs those four days to figure himself out.</p><p>He needs more than that, really. But four days is all he allows himself.</p><p>Shiro’s heart races as he listens to the drone of his comm trying to connect across unfathomable distance. He tried to call Keith twice, just in case, before selecting Krolia’s contact and dialing.</p><p>“Shirogane,” she says, blurry image still trying to clear even as the audio settles into clarity. The ice in her tone is unmistakable.</p><p>She doesn’t say anything more, leaving Shiro to fumble in the conversational void.</p><p>“Krolia,” he returns. The video feed sharpens and he is treated to the most hostile blank face he’s ever seen. She’s perfectly neutral in her expression, but her eyes, strikingly similar to Keith’s, betray the ill-will. “I hope you’ve been well.”</p><p>He used to be better at this, he thinks, at all the political bullshit. He never liked it, but he was decent at it. He’s out of practice now, and it’s poor timing as this is the most important negotiation he’s ever entered into.</p><p>“Cut the small talk,” she snaps. “I don’t have time for it. What do you want?”</p><p>Shiro takes a deep breath. “I want to apologize to your son. Even if Keith doesn’t want to talk to me, and I understand completely if he does not, I would like to at least like to pass on my apologies, inadequate as they might be.”</p><p>The words are stilted, too formal. He doesn’t want to offend Krolia and ruin his chances, and he’s fallen back on the way he used to speak to higher-ups when at the Garrison and pleading his case to keep flying missions.</p><p>She narrows her eyes. “Do you know how much…” she cuts herself off. “Why should I believe you?”</p><p>“I know I’ve given you no reason to believe or trust me,” Shiro admits. “But I truly want to apologize to Keith. The things I said to him in our last conversation were out of line and born from anger that shouldn’t have been directed at him. I lashed out when I should not have. I was upset with myself and my circumstances and should have talked to him instead of fighting.”</p><p>Krolia nods. Her expression hasn’t softened at all. “I see. I will talk to him when he checks in and ask if he is amenable to receiving a message from you. I suggest you prepare the message in advance. I’ll contact you if he agrees.”</p><p>Hope surges in Shiro’s chest. Krolia hasn’t dismissed him out of hand. There’s a <em> chance </em>.</p><p>“When do you expect to hear from him?”</p><p>It’s the first thing he’s said that makes Krolia’s expression waver. He only sees it because he has years of practice reading Keith’s split-second expressions. Her neutral-hostile countenance settles back into place within a tick.</p><p>“Soon,” she says. “I will send you a message when I have his answer. I must go now.”</p><p>He barely manages to thank her before she cuts off the call.</p><p>Shiro slumps down on the sofa and starts thinking about how to word his apology to Keith. He does his best to ignore the fact that Krolia looked <em> worried </em> there for a second. She probably knows exactly what happened between the two of them, if she’s worried about Keith’s reaction to a message from Shiro…</p><p>He shakes the thought away. After that conversation, he needs a bit of a break, needs to clear his head. Shiro grabs the hoverbike keys and slips his comm in his pocket. A ride should do the trick. Maybe out in the desert he’ll be able to think of the right words to send Keith as an apology.</p><p> </p><p>Days go by. Shiro has a message written to send as soon as Krolia contacts him again. He keeps polishing it, agonizing over word choice and phrasing as he has time to overthink it. He keeps his comm on high volume, jumping every time it goes off.</p><p>He meets with his lawyer. Signs the papers that make the breakup with Curtis official. </p><p>He doesn’t hear from Krolia.</p><p>That night, Shiro settles on the couch and turns on the television, mostly just for background noise as he starts going through the emails the Garrison has sent him over the past few months trying to tempt him into returning to their ranks.</p><p>He’s made it through five emails when the chime for breaking news catches his attention. He looks up and promptly forgets how to breathe when he sees a picture of Keith onscreen. It’s from some Blade function and he’s in his Senior Blade uniform, braid hanging down his back.</p><p>It’s not that image that steals the air from his lungs, though. It’s the words rolling across the screen, the newsanchor’s words that are barely more than static in his ears.</p><p>SENIOR BLADE OF MARMORA AND FORMER PALADIN OF VOLTRON MISSING IN ACTION, PRESUMED DEAD.</p><p>Shiro’s world shatters.</p><p>The speculation of the news anchors barely registers. There’s no concrete information beyond the brief statement issued by the Blades, stating Keith’s status.</p><p>Missing. Presumed dead.</p><p>The words refuse to sink in. Keith can’t be dead. He <em> can’t. </em></p><p>But...Shiro realizes dizzily, if Keith is gone, the last words they said to each other were knife-sharp and cruel. Their last interaction was tainted with bitter anger.</p><p>No. He’s not gone. He’s <em> not </em>. Shiro can’t accept that. He’d know if Keith was suddenly no longer part of the universe.</p><p>His comm rings, the shrill sound breaking through his daze. He looks down and sees that it’s Pidge calling. He lets it ring out, not wanting to hear the grief in her voice. Keith isn’t <em> dead </em> and he won’t listen to anyone say otherwise.</p><p>His comm starts up again as soon as Pidge’s call goes to voicemail. Hunk this time. Shiro declines the call.</p><p>Shiro scrolls down to the K’s in his contact list. He hovers over Keith’s name. Maybe if he calls…</p><p>He makes himself keep scrolling; he doesn’t think he can handle hearing the out-of-range message without falling apart right now.</p><p>Shiro doesn’t give himself time to back out before pressing on Krolia’s name. It barely rings once before she picks up, looking haggard and <em> sad </em>.</p><p>It feels like one of the lions is sitting on his chest. He swallows past the lump in his throat. “Please tell me there’s been a mistake,” he says, voice wrecked.</p><p>Krolia shakes her head. “No mistake,” she says softly.</p><p>“He’s not…” He can’t make himself say <em> dead </em> aloud. That would make it too real.</p><p>“We don’t know,” Krolia says. “He should have checked in a week ago. He never misses a check in without warning. Then we received an emergency ping from his ship. It took a day for the signal to even arrive from what we can tell. There’s been no contact since.”</p><p>“Where was he?”</p><p>“The ping was scrambled,” she tells him. “We’re still trying to figure out where it was sent from. Why do you want to know?”</p><p>“He’s alive,” Shiro rasps out. “He has to be. We have to find him.”</p><p>“The Blades are working on it, Shiro.”</p><p>“I need to help. Let me help. <em> Please </em>.” Shiro can hear his voice shake and doesn’t care even a little bit. “He never gave up on me when I was declared dead. I’m not giving up on him either. Please, Krolia.”</p><p>“I don’t know what you think you can do,” she says. It’s not meant unkindly, but it still lances through Shiro’s chest. “You’re a civilian, Shiro.”</p><p>“I don’t care. Atlas will still listen to me.”</p><p>Her eyebrows raise slightly. “I will keep that in mind. We’ll keep you in the loop and send Keith’s last known location when we have it.” She pauses, considering her next words. “Most of the time, I thought Keith was lucky to have someone like you in his life. I’m glad to see that person back again.”</p><p>She ends the call before he can respond, not that he had anything to say in the face of that anyways.</p><p>He glances at his growing list of missed calls. Pidge again. Veronica. Hunk again. Lance. Matt. Even Curtis and Iverson have tried to reach him. A bitter laugh spills from his lips. Did everyone know better than him how important Keith was — <em> is </em>— to him?</p><p>He calls Pidge back.</p><p>“Shiro, did you see—”</p><p>“He’s not dead,” Shiro says. He means for it to come out firm, unyielding. His voice cracks down the middle of the sentence. He doesn’t want to know what his face looks like right now.</p><p>“Shiro…”</p><p>“He’s not. He can’t be.”</p><p>“His ship would only send out an emergency ping if it was critically damaged or he activated it himself,” Pidge tells him. She’s obviously been in contact with the Blades too. “You know he wouldn’t activate it if the situation wasn’t one hundred percent a lost cause.”</p><p>“I’m not saying he’s not in trouble,” Shiro insists. “But Keith’s not dead.”</p><p>“How do you know?” The gentleness in her expression tips him towards his breaking point. He can usually count on Pidge to be blunt to a fault and she’s being <em> gentle </em>.</p><p>He’s never felt more fragile, caught here in denial and hope and helplessness.</p><p>“I just know,” Shiro rasps. “He’s alive and he needs our help, Pidge. I have to…”</p><p>“Get down to my lab,” Pidge says, rubbing her temples. Shiro can see that her eyes are red-rimmed behind her glasses. “I’ll see what I can dig up.”</p><p>Shiro nods and ends the call.</p><p>He leaves his comm on the kitchen counter and throws together a bag with clothes and chargers and any portable food left in the kitchen cabinets. He wants to be ready to leave the second he has any information on Keith’s last known whereabouts.</p><p>Shiro breaks several speed limits and traffic laws to get to the Garrison and Pidge’s lab as fast as humanly possible. The looks of shock and poorly-concealed pity needle at him as he rushes through the halls. </p><p>Pidge opens the door as soon as he knocks and pulls him inside with surprising strength. She wraps him in a tight hug that he can’t help but return. She’s a point of stability in his world that’s falling apart.</p><p>“We’re going to find him, right?” Pidge asks, voice muffled.</p><p>“We are,” Shiro says, doing his best to sound confident and not terrified. He’s realizing now that Pidge saw the news and believed it. That the other Paladins might not have reacted with outright denial like he had.</p><p>He realizes that Pidge has lived this before. That <em> Keith </em> lived this before, when the Kerberos mission was declared lost.</p><p>He hugs her tighter. “We’re going to find him and we’re going to bring him home. We’re not going to lose him.” Not like Allura. Not like everyone else they lost in the war.</p><p>Pidge sniffles and then pulls back. She pushes her glasses up her nose. “Damn right. Let’s get to work.”</p><p>There’s not much for Shiro to do as Pidge starts typing at top-speed, presumably digging for information in ways Shiro can’t even begin to comprehend. He just sits out of the way and scours the news sites for more information and ignores every call he receives.</p><p>He at least texts Hunk and Lance that he’ll talk to them later, that he needs time. </p><p>It’s not a lie.</p><p>At the two hour mark, Shiro closes his eyes and leans his head back against the wall. He takes a deep breath and reaches out for the Atlas for the first time in over a year.</p><p>She responds instantly, a bright light in his mind welcoming him enthusiastically. She prods at him when she senses his sadness and he opens up his memories to her, feeling that it will be easier to show her instead of trying to explain.</p><p>She sends back the feeling of a question and an image of Keith, smiling in the desert after one of their rides, pulled from his memory.</p><p><em> We’re going to find him </em> , he tells her. <em> Bring him home </em>.</p><p>He feels a shiver of excitement from his ship. She wants to help. She wants to <em> fly </em> again.</p><p>“Shiro?”</p><p>Pidge’s voice pulls him out of the connection with Atlas.</p><p>“Do you have something?”</p><p>“Krolia sent over the location data the Blades were working on unscrambling. Between me and them, I think we have it.”</p><p>“Where?”</p><p>“Thyl’ux quadrant,” she says. Pidge summons a map, shows him the approximate location of the where the emergency ping came from.</p><p>“How long would it take to get there?”</p><p>“Without a wormhole? A year minimum, probably longer,” Pidge says.</p><p>“With a wormhole?” Shiro asks, desperate. The Atlas has the capability to create wormholes still, even though it hasn’t been used since the end of the war. She’s been grounded and tied down with red tape since the first official peace treaties.</p><p>Pidge runs a few calculations. “About three vargas in the wormhole and you’d still be twenty out from Keith’s last location when you exited.”</p><p>Shiro nods. “That’s doable.”</p><p>“<em> Doable </em>?” Pidge parrots in disbelief. “Shiro, what the fuck are you planning? The Blades are a week out with normal flight.”</p><p>“Too long. He’s already been missing for too long, Pidge.”</p><p>“How exactly do you plan on getting there, then?”</p><p>“Atlas,” Shiro tells her. “She’s willing to help.”</p><p>“You <em> cannot </em> steal the flagship,” Pidge tells him flatly.</p><p>“I have to find Keith. Atlas is ready to go. I’m ready to go.”</p><p>“Atlas is too big for what you need,” Pidge says. “And she’ll draw too much attention. You need something smaller and faster.”</p><p>“Do you have any ideas? I need the wormhole from Atlas.”</p><p>Pidge waves a hand, eyes gleaming now that they’re working up a plan. He can see the hope painted on her face now. “I have an idea for that. But as for a ship… I have one I designed that you can take.”</p><p>“Has it been tested?”</p><p>“Mostly.”</p><p>“Is it fast?”</p><p>“Fastest ship in the hangar,” Pidge promises.</p><p>“Let’s do it,” Shiro says with a nod. He’s not going to be able to breathe easy until he sees Keith, until he can assure himself that Keith’s <em> alive </em>, but at least being on his way to find him will make the pressure on his chest lessen. Hopefully.</p><p> </p><p>It’s almost laughable how easy it is to just walk into the hangar and commandeer a ship. Shiro doesn’t ask permission. No one stops him.</p><p>Being in the air, at the controls of a ship, settles something in Shiro. He navigates to the coordinates he and Pidge had agreed upon. It’s far away enough from Earth that no one will be able to follow him through the wormhole, close enough for Atlas to still reach.</p><p>“I’m on the bridge,” Pidge says, voice coming through the comms and filling the small cockpit. “Be sure to give the Atlas enough juice for two jumps. I’m going to be following with backup as soon as I can and I don’t think your ship will let me send you if I don’t promise to bring her on that trip.”</p><p>Shiro’s lips twitch up in an almost-smile. “You got it. Get in touch with Krolia. I’ll keep her updated as to what I’m doing.”</p><p>“You better,” Pidge says. “I will not lose any more of my family, you got that?”</p><p>“Got it.”</p><p>“Okay, at the helm,” Pidge whispers. “Wormhole opening on my count.”</p><p>“I’m ready,” Shiro says. He readies the ship, engines humming loudly, even as he closes his eyes and reaches out to the Atlas.</p><p>“Three, two, one, now!”</p><p>Shiro sends a surge of energy towards the Atlas and a wormhole opens in front of him.</p><p>There’s a grim smile on his face as he flies his ship into it at full speed, Pidge’s whispered good luck almost missed in the chaos. He’s going to find Keith.</p><p> </p>
<hr/>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Once he’s in the wormhole there’s nothing to do but put the ship on autopilot and wait. He spends the first half-varga familiarizing himself with the ship. He discovers stable rations in the small kitchenette that was obviously Hunk’s contribution to the ship’s design.</p><p>The sleeping space is barebones with its built-in storage and sleek lines, but the bed is an unexpected luxury. It’s queen-sized instead of the normal narrow bunk. Shiro ghosts his fingers over the sheets and finds them soft to the touch instead of utilitarian and rough. If he actually planned on sleeping somewhere besides catnaps in the pilot’s seat, Shiro would be over the moon at these accommodations.</p><p>He leaves the bedroom and pokes his head into the decently sized and completely empty cargo bay. There’s a small open space with a vidscreen next to the kitchenette that Shiro assumes is meant as bonus living space for long journeys. </p><p>It’s obvious that this is a ship Pidge designed with Keith in mind, given the aesthetic and speed and personal touches throughout. The red accents in the kitchen and the cockpit almost make him cry when he sees them.</p><p>Shiro settles back into the pilot’s seat and stares out at the pulsing wormhole path until his eyes feel heavy. The only thing in his head is the driving need to find Keith, save Keith. He can’t fail at this.</p><p>He falls asleep until the ship chirps a warning that they’re due to exit the wormhole shortly.</p><p>Shiro takes the ship off autopilot and steers through the end of the wormhole and into dark, empty space. It’s been so long since he was out in the black, longer still since he was alone like this.</p><p>Flying like this is what Keith has been doing since he left, Shiro realizes. The dark presses in on him, alive in its blankness somehow.</p><p>He never asked Keith if he was lonely.</p><p>Whenever Keith actually answered his calls, he talked about his work, about Kosmo, about the cool view he’d seen last week. He never talked about himself, really.</p><p>Shiro never asked.</p><p>He’d been so frustrated with Keith not answering his messages and calls, with Keith not reaching out of his own accord. But Shiro hadn’t been a good friend to Keith. Not for a while. He swallows hard as he considers all the times he’d brushed Keith off or postponed a hangout after they’d returned to Earth or when they were on the Atlas.</p><p>He’d been caught up in his own life, his own dreams and disappointments and had filed his fractured friendship with Keith in the latter category without examining it like he should have, without trying to fix what he helped to break.</p><p>He sends a message to Krolia with his ship’s signature so she and the Blades can track his movements. He tries to think about anything else, tries to think of a plan.</p><p>He doesn’t have one beyond <em> find Keith </em>, because he has no idea what the situation is. The uncertainty buzzes under his skin, melding with the anxiety that thrums there as he worries about Keith, about the mess he undoubtedly left behind on Earth, about all the mistakes he’s made to lead to this point.</p><p>Shiro stubbornly avoids turning on the autopilot as he speeds through empty space towards the last signal from Keith.</p><p>He lasts about a varga before their last conversation, their <em> fight </em>, starts replaying in his head on a loop.</p><p>Broke his heart, Keith said. It haunts him in quiet moments, crowded in alongside fragmented memories of Keith screaming out his love when Shiro was inches away from killing him.</p><p>Something in Shiro <em> aches </em> when he tries to look too closely at these things.</p><p>Keith said “I love you.” Shiro remembers it far too clearly. But he also remembers, “You’re my brother.” He remembers the swirling confusion when he woke up in a new-familiar body and the night when those memories slotted into place.</p><p>It had been too much, had almost sent him spiralling as he tried to figure out his own feelings. So he pushed them, and Keith, away. They had a war to fight and no time for messy, life-altering emotions.</p><p>Then the war was over and they were left to pick up the pieces of their families and their grief. Shiro still shied away from the messy emotions, from the jagged edges that he himself was made of. He’d found Curtis and their whirlwind romance was simple, easy, uncomplicated.</p><p>He thought it was what he wanted.</p><p>And it was, for a time. But Shiro was still made of sharp shards and shattered pieces and they eventually made themselves known again, cutting his relationship to shreds bit by bit. He started to realize that maybe the price for a simple life was more than he wanted or was willing to pay.</p><p>The price was space, was flying, was <em> Keith </em>.</p><p>Curtis had never demanded he give any of them up, but Shiro thought it was what was needed for this new life he was trying to build.</p><p>The truth is, when Curtis walked out, Shiro didn’t even think about chasing after him. He can barely remember their final fight. It had been tense, but civil. Shiro hadn’t argued when Curtis said he wanted a divorce, that he was moving out. It had hurt, but it was a dull pain. Manageable. Something he could move past.</p><p>It was simple, easy. The ending of their relationship mirroring the beginning.</p><p>He signed the divorce papers two days before leaving Earth and it felt less final, less like a devastating breakup, than Shiro’s argument with his best friend months prior.</p><p>The fight with Keith, the last time they talked to each other, had ripped Shiro open. Curtis woke up to a husband brimming with hurt and anger and ready to lash out at <em> someone </em>, whose eyes were red-rimmed from more than one crying jag between his call and Curtis’ alarm going off.</p><p>Curtis had been understandably confused and concerned. As far as he knew, Keith was simply Shiro’s estranged best friend. Shiro never said otherwise, because that <em> is </em>all they were, but...</p><p>Shiro almost doesn’t want to examine it, has been shying away from this particular conversation with himself for years at this point. He’d avoided this conversation when Curtis tried to start it too. </p><p>The deep black of space presses against the outside of his ship; the stars twinkle judgmentally.</p><p>Curtis left and Shiro did nothing at all to stop him.</p><p>Keith disappeared and Shiro stole a ship, arranged an illegal wormhole, and launched himself across the universe to find him. There’s nothing even indicating that Keith’s alive except Shiro’s soul-deep conviction that he <em> can’t </em> be dead.</p><p>Shiro will personally drag Keith back from whatever afterlife he may have found if he’s wrong.</p><p>So, to recap, he thinks with a bitter smirk. Husband leaves and Shiro lets him. Estranged best friend goes missing, is presumed dead, and Shiro drops everything, risks everything, to go after him.</p><p>Shiro buries his face in his hands with a sigh, lets out a broken laugh that bounces around the small cockpit, mocking him with its echo. The truth is staring him in the face, flashing neon. It has been for a while but he’d turned his head and closed his eyes and refused to look.</p><p>He loves Keith. God, he’s <em> in love </em> with Keith.</p><p>He might never see him again. Keith might not want to speak to him even if he <em> does </em> find him. Shiro wouldn’t blame him. After all, Shiro fell in love and ignored it so thoroughly that he cut himself off from Keith and married someone else.</p><p>There’s every possibility he’s lost his chance at this love, but it doesn’t matter now. He just needs to find Keith, needs to make sure he’s safe. That would be enough.</p><p>Shiro stares out at the unfamiliar stars and keeps flying towards his heart.</p><p> </p><p>Keith is fucked. There’s no two ways about it. He’s stranded on a planet he has no information to work off of with nothing more than whatever food and water rations were in his cockpit go-bag. He also has Kosmo, who is really doing more to keep Keith upright than Keith is at the moment.</p><p>“Good boy,” he murmurs as the wolf leads them into a small cavern that he’d located. Keith hadn’t even been able to see it, which means it’s a perfect hiding spot. He collapses against the wall once they’ve moved away from the entrance.</p><p>His leg throbs. He’s really hoping it’s not broken.</p><p>Keith leans against Kosmo, closing his eyes. The wolf whines at him, concerned. He’s the only reason Keith escaped the <em> Scorpion </em> before it was turned into fire and rubble. The loss of his ship, his home for the last couple of years, hurts. At least most of his sentimental items he keeps tucked away in the go-bag that he’d brought with him and are safe.</p><p>Hunk had called him paranoid once when Keith mentioned the bag, but situations like this were always possible and Keith has so few things he cares about that he refuses to lose any of them.</p><p>He already lost Sh— <em> no </em>, he cuts himself off violently. He’s not going there. Not again, he reminds himself. He doesn’t have time to deal with his injuries and his still broken heart, not when the druids who destroyed his ship are almost definitely looking for him right now.</p><p>“Okay boy, we need a plan,” Keith says.</p><p>Kosmo nudges Keith’s bag then presses his nose to Keith’s knee.</p><p>“I don’t think there’s anything in there that’s going to help the leg if it’s broken,” Keith mutters, but he starts digging through it anyways. He ignores the small folder of documents and printed mementos and a few treasured souvenirs from his time with Voltron. He hasn’t looked at most of this in so long, knowing all too well that it would only bring up memories of Shiro and his heart’s still too raw to do that.</p><p>He finds the ration bars at the bottom along with five pouches of water. There’s also a small supply of painkillers and a roll of bandages.</p><p>Keith dry swallows a dose of painkiller and spreads his rations out in front of him. “Looks like enough for about four days, more if I’m careful,” he says. “You’ll have to find your own,” he tells Kosmo. It’s their usual arrangement anyways.</p><p>He eyes the comm he keeps in the bag as well. If he turns it on, he could call for help, could let his mom and the Blades know he’s alive and his location. It would be a homing beacon for the druids though and Keith’s in no shape to fight his way out if they find him.</p><p>Keith sucks in a breath through his teeth. Things would be easier if there was someone with him, other than the wolf. Shiro would know what to do.</p><p>He presses down on his injured leg and lets the pain white out the thoughts of his former best friend. He <em> hates </em> that when things are going to shit he still automatically thinks of Shiro and what he would do or say.</p><p>Pidge and Hunk would be focussing on the comm, on rigging it to mask the signal but still communicate. Lance would be cracking bad jokes and pretending to not worry about Keith’s injuries and also giving commentary about the situation that might lead to a solution. Allura would probably just be itching to go kick a druid’s ass.</p><p>And Shiro...well, once upon a time, Shiro would probably be fussing over Keith’s injuries and laying out a plan for getting more rations so they could wait for the right time to strike or escape.</p><p>Keith’s plans mostly align with imaginary Shiro’s right now, simply because he can’t move well with his leg like this. Waiting and scheming is the most viable option even though kicking a druid’s ass sounds <em> incredible </em>.</p><p>He smiles a bit at the thought before it drops, remembering that it was <em> Allura’s </em> proposed plan. Imagined proposed plan. Whatever.</p><p>He leans his head back against the cool wall of the cave with a sigh. It’s too rough for him to find a comfortable position but it’s not the worst thing he’s used as a temporary pillow. </p><p>Allura’s sacrifice still scrapes him raw when he thinks about it, when he faces it straight on instead of dancing around it in his head. None of them really talk about it, have <em> ever </em> really talked about it, save the one time he and Lance and Hunk and Pidge got really drunk together after the war.</p><p>He won’t ever be able to forget the anger and sadness that dripped from Lance’s every word, inextricably mixed. He can’t forget the <em> grief </em> that spilled over finally, drowning all of them.</p><p>Keith knows all too well that grief like that can’t just be moved past.</p><p>It shouldn’t have been up to just Allura to put things to rights like that. They should have found another way, not just let her make that sacrifice. Allura deserved better. From the universe. From the family they’d cobbled together in the war.</p><p>So when he’d picked up on an odd but somehow familiar quintessence signature out here at the fringes of what had been the Galra empire, the far edges of known space, he hadn’t hesitated in trying to follow it. Worst case, he thought at the time, was he wastes some time on a wild goose chase and has to deal with some dashed hopes. It’s not like he had a set agenda anyways. Best case, the quintessence leads him to Allura, hopefully alive and well and just needing a helping hand to get <em> home </em>.</p><p>He didn’t tell his mom or any of the others what he was doing. He didn’t want to get anyone else’s hopes up, just in case.</p><p>Of course, he didn’t know that there were still druids out here and that they had also been following the same quintessence signature up until they caught <em> his </em> and switched course. Apparently a former Paladin and current Blade is still a high priority target. Just his luck.</p><p>He needs to take out these druids in case they’re after possibly-Allura as well. He doubts <em> they’re </em>trying to launch a rescue. For now, they’re chasing him and there’s got to be some way to use this to his advantage.</p><p>Except, his fucking leg is nigh useless.</p><p>“We need a plan,” Keith says aloud, making Kosmo lift his head to look at him inquisitively. “And we need to know what the druids are even <em> doing </em> now. Guess if they picked up on my quintessence before, they know I’m still alive.”</p><p>He sighs in the silence that falls after his words.</p><p>He wants to talk this out with Shiro. That’s the long and short of it, really, regardless of how much it hurts, of how much he <em> doesn’t </em>want to think about Shiro. It’s not like this is a new want. He’s reached for his comm countless times since he left Earth, even since their fight, wanting to tell Shiro about something he saw or something Kosmo did or something stupid and inconsequential.</p><p>The only difference is that now what he wants to talk to Shiro about is anything but inconsequential.</p><p>Keith bites his lip and forcibly tugs his thoughts in another direction as the painkillers finally start kicking in, dampening the pain in his leg to something less than excruciating. He needs a plan, not to keep thinking about the things he doesn’t have and people who aren’t here and probably wouldn’t even miss him if he doesn’t make it out of this.</p><p>The Blades and his mom would’ve been notified of his ship’s destruction. They have to be on their way to check what happened, even if they assume he died in the crash. He just has to survive until then.</p><p> </p><p>The beeping proximity alert rouses Shiro from his daze. He’s approaching Keith’s last known location. He takes the ship off autopilot and makes sure all the cloaking protocols are active. Ten minutes more of flying and he starts to see debris.</p><p>All that remains of Keith’s ship are small jagged scraps.</p><p>Shiro navigates the debris field with a clenched jaw. The evidence around him doesn’t matter. Keith is <em> alive </em> and Shiro is going to find him. Even with his ship destroyed, Kosmo was with him and they could’ve gotten out.</p><p>He just has to figure out the most likely place for Kosmo to take them in range.</p><p>There’s a small planet with four moons nearby, according to the ship’s scanner. None of the moons seem especially habitable, but the planet is. He switches the scanner setting and watches as three cloaked ships appear on his display. His grip on the controls tightens. Not many ships can completely disappear from view. The readings that Pidge’s tech is spitting out indicates they’re of Galra origin, but that could mean half a dozen different things.</p><p>If cloaked ships are watching the planet, that has to be where Keith is and whoever owns the ships is probably responsible for the attack on Keith’s ship. He can’t take all of them out at once, so stealth has to be his move here no matter how much he wants to attack, to make them pay.</p><p>His smile is a grim thing as he heads towards the planet, sensors set for any human life. He just has to trust in Pidge’s cloaking to be undetectable to the enemy ships. He picks up the faintest trace of life and adjusts course, heading straight for who he hopes is Keith.</p><p>Shiro lands the ship in a field near the treeline. He takes a moment to arm himself and packs a bag with medical supplies and rations, not knowing what to expect. The armored flight suit he changes into is heavy. He’s unsure how to feel about the fact that the weight of it makes his nerves settle.</p><p>He exits the ship and locks it up before disappearing into the trees, sensor in hand as he heads towards the faint human signal.</p><p>He walks for half an hour until he reaches the bottom of a cliff. There is no obvious place to hide, no cave openings or alcoves in sight. Shiro looks from the sensor to the unforgiving rock and back. This is where the signal is coming from but he doesn’t see Keith or anyone else.</p><p>Shiro creeps closer to the cliff, every sense on high alert as he looks for an opening, looks for any sign of Keith. He’s about an arms length from the cliff when Kosmo blinks into existence next to him.</p><p>He barely has time to register what he’s seeing before Kosmo leans against him and flashes away, this time transporting Shiro as well. The shift is disorientating after so long away from the cosmic wolf and his antics, but when Shiro gets his bearings again he’s in a cave. Must be hidden from the outside somehow, Shiro thinks.</p><p>A sharp inhale from behind him has Shiro spinning around instantly.</p><p>“Keith,” he breathes out, hurriedly taking in Keith’s disheveled appearance. He’s flushed and one leg is stretched out and his braid is a mess. He’s beautifully <em> alive </em> even as he narrows his eyes at Shiro in suspicion.</p><p>“Didn’t think I was so far gone to be hallucinating,” Keith mutters. “I guess the water did run out finally but…”</p><p>“I’m not a hallucination,” Shiro says. He steps closer.</p><p>“That’s exactly what a hallucination would say,” Keith says. “Besides, you wouldn’t come after me. Even if you wanted to, which is a big if, you don’t fly anymore.”</p><p>Keith’s words hit Shiro right in the chest with unerring accuracy. It’s exactly what Keith <em> should </em> expect from Shiro and Shiro hates that he let them get to this point. They’ve deteriorated so far from what they used to be, and he knows that he was the catalyst for it.</p><p>Bitterness and hurt live where trust and affection once bound them together.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Shiro asks instead of voicing any of this.</p><p>Keith huffs out a rough facsimile of a laugh. “Yeah, sure, Shiro. Just stranded in nowhere space with druids after me, a busted leg, and no more water. Doing fan-fucking-tastic.”</p><p>Shiro opens his mouth but Kosmo whines before he can decide on his next words. The wolf nudges Shiro ahead with a nose to his shoulderblade.</p><p>Shiro stumbles forward from the wolf’s force and Keith’s eyes go wide, flicking from Shiro to Kosmo and back.</p><p>“Kosmo? You can… he’s…” Keith’s eyes lock on Shiro. “You’re actually here.” The words are full of disbelief, dripping with confusion.</p><p>“I am,” Shiro confirms. He drops into a crouch next to Keith. “What happened to your leg?”</p><p>“Why are you here? How?”</p><p>“Stole a ship, took an illegal wormhole,” Shiro tells him. He reaches out and touches Keith’s forehead with the back of his hand. “Pidge helped. You have a fever.”</p><p>Keith flinches away. “<em> Why </em>?”</p><p>Shiro tries to control his breathing, his impulses. He wants to gather Keith close, wants to reassure himself that he’s alive, that his heart is beating. He wants to heal all of his hurts.</p><p>It’s impractical. It’s impossible, even. Keith doesn’t even want a perfunctory touch and has every reason to not want to see Shiro here in any capacity.</p><p>None of the words he thought of on his desperate flight here make themselves known in the face of Keith’s stony expression. Shiro can’t help but think he looks fragile, no matter his front of stoicism.</p><p><em> Broke his heart </em>. The words echo endlessly in his head.</p><p>“Why?” Keith demands again when Shiro takes too long to answer.</p><p>“They said you were dead,” Shiro says, the words spilling out of his mouth. “It was on the news. They said you were <em> dead </em>, Keith. I couldn’t… I refused to believe it.”</p><p>Keith shakes his head. “Doesn’t make sense. Don’t fucking lie to me now, Shiro. Not like you were pulling punches last time.”</p><p>Shiro flinches this time. “I’m not lying.”</p><p>Keith snorts.</p><p>“What’s wrong with your leg?” Shiro asks again. They can hash everything out when they’re <em> safe </em>.</p><p>“Fractured, probably,” Keith says. He keeps his gaze aimed over Shiro’s shoulder. “Scraped up and bruised to hell. Can’t really put weight on it which has been a problem.”</p><p>“And you said that druids were after you?”</p><p>“Yeah. Think we were tracking the same thing and then they caught wind of me and shifted their focus.”</p><p>“Saw three ships in orbit,” Shiro says. “Probably them with the kind of cloaking they had.”</p><p>“How’d you get past them?” Keith finally looks at him again, assessing in a way that says he’s still not entirely sure he’s convinced Shiro isn’t a hallucination.</p><p>“Pidge’s cloaking is better than theirs,” Shiro says. “I’m in a ship she designed for you, actually.”</p><p>Keith’s eyes snap away again.</p><p>Shiro sighs. “Kosmo, can you get both of us back to my ship?”</p><p>“Let me get my bag before you order <em> my </em> wolf to do anything,” Keith snaps.</p><p>Shiro bites the inside of his cheek so he doesn’t snap back in turn. Sniping at each other won’t do either of them any good. When Keith has a grip on the duffel bag that was near him, Shiro takes a handful of Kosmo’s fur. Keith does the same.</p><p>They flash out of the cave and land next to the ship. Keith curses under his breath, the movement likely making his leg hurt. Shiro quickly unlocks the ship. He hesitates for a breath, two breaths, before sweeping Keith into his arms and striding up the ramp.</p><p>“Let me go. I can walk,” Keith hisses.</p><p>“Not what you said a minute ago,” Shiro points out.</p><p>“Kosmo can help me.” The unspoken <em>I don’t want </em><b><em>your</em></b> <em>help</em> rings loud and clear.</p><p>Keith is all sharp edges and barbed wire in a way Shiro hasn’t seen since he was a fresh cadet at the Garrison. He’s going to have to cut himself open to get anywhere with him.</p><p>He’s willing to do that and more if Keith will allow it.</p><p>“Just let me get you inside,” Shiro says. “Please, Keith.”</p><p>The anger drains from Keith’s face and he looks away. “Fine.”</p><p>Shiro is as gentle as he can manage as he carries Keith inside and to the bedroom. He eases him onto the bed. Keith clutches at his bag, fingers tight on the strap as Shiro sets his own bag down next to him.</p><p>“There’s water and food in my bag,” Shiro tells him. “First aid supplies too. Get whatever you need out of it. I’m going to get us back up in the air and far enough away to send your mom a message.”</p><p>He lingers in the doorway for a moment, waiting to see if Keith has anything to say. </p><p>The silence chases him out of the room and back to the cockpit. </p><p>He flies them off-planet and past the hovering druid ships. He pushes the ship to its top speed and flies for half a varga before slowing to a stop, feeling like they’re far enough away for the time being.</p><p>He pulls up the messaging system — equipped with an enhanced long-distance relay, Pidge assured him — and sends a message to both Krolia and Pidge, though he isn’t sure if the message will even reach Earth with how far out they are.</p><p>
  <em> Keith’s alive and with me. Kosmo got him out before the ship was lost. Leg injury, not life-threatening but needs medical attention. Enemies still in area. Send back-up ASAP, if possible. </em>
</p><p>Shiro enables all encryption protocols, attaches their coordinates and hits send.</p><p>He sits back and waits for an answer, trying to sort himself out in the quiet, tense waiting period.</p><p>There’s a bone-deep relief at Keith being <em> alive </em>. He’s been itching to go back to Keith’s side since he walked away, to make sure that this isn’t a dream. But now that Keith is safe and here, the anxiety of having to talk about everything itches under his skin and sets him on edge.</p><p> It feels like one more wrong move will truly be the end of them and he is terrified of making it by accident.</p><p>Keith deserves the apology Shiro originally planned on giving him. He deserves more than that and Shiro wants to give him everything he’ll accept. He also knows that he’s going to put his foot in his mouth at least once during their conversation and he’s terrified he’s going to make things worse, somehow.</p><p>Krolia’s response comes through, breaking him out of his reverie.</p><p>
  <em> On my way. Pidge says to sit tight and she will be too. </em>
</p><p>Shiro takes a deep breath and stands. Delaying isn’t going to make this any easier. He walks back towards the bedroom, his steps purposefully loud in the quiet ship. He wants to give Keith time to prepare, too.</p><p>Keith is propped up in the bed. There are two empty water pouches next to him and a crumpled ration packet. Kosmo lifts his head, blinks at Shiro, then curls back into a ball, uninterested in his arrival for the moment.</p><p>“Your mom is on her way to us,” Shiro says from the doorway. “Pidge too, probably.”</p><p>Keith stares at him. “Why are you here, Shiro? What could you possibly want? You made it pretty clear you were done with me last time we talked.”</p><p>Shiro winces. “I was trying to get in touch with you when you went missing,” he starts. Watching Keith carefully, he takes a seat on the other side of the bed, on the opposite corner from Keith. The space between them feels immense, despite being smaller than it has been for years.</p><p>Keith just watches him warily.</p><p>Shiro drags his fingers over the sheets. He’s acutely aware that there’s nowhere for either of them to run this time. No call to end or place to hide. </p><p>“I wanted to apologize,” he says finally. “Want to apologize, I mean. For what I said.” He swallows hard, looks down at his hands. “For a lot of things, actually.”</p><p>Keith is silent. Shiro summons the courage to look up at him. Keith’s biting his lip in a way that looks painful, the points of too-sharp teeth just barely visible. His eyes are a maelstrom of emotion that Shiro can’t read. </p><p>That hurts too; he used to be able to read Keith better than anyone and he threw that away because he was scared of his own damn emotions.</p><p>“Keith?”</p><p>“I don’t think an apology is going to fix things,” Keith says. “Not this time. Sorry isn’t enough, Shiro.”</p><p>“I know.” The words are painted with all of his self-recrimination, threaded through with all the honesty he can muster. “But you deserve one anyways.”</p><p>“Shiro…”</p><p>“Please hear me out,” Shiro begs. “Let me say this and then if you want me to leave you alone I will.”</p><p>“Just… say what you want,” Keith says with a sigh. “Not like I’m going anywhere.”</p><p>“How is your leg doing?”</p><p>“It’s fine. Stop stalling and spit it out.”</p><p>“I had this all written down,” Shiro tells him. “I talked to Krolia and she was going to ask if you’d be willing to read whatever I sent and I spent a week trying to make it perfect, trying to find the right words even if they weren’t nearly enough.”</p><p>He takes a deep breath and looks Keith straight in the eye. The walls around his heart, the ones he’s always hidden behind, were smashed with the news of Keith’s death. Shiro kicks down the remaining rubble now. Opening himself up like this is <em> terrifying </em> in ways he can’t even describe, but it’s the only way to even start to make up for what he’s done. It’s his turn to offer up all of himself, after all. His turn to put his heart on the line and at Keith’s mercy.</p><p>“I’m sorry that I hurt you,” Shiro says. “Not just when we last talked before all of this. I know I was hurting you before that, too. But that last call, I was completely out of line. I took out anger on you that shouldn’t have even been directed at you in the first place instead of just talking to you.”</p><p>Shiro pushes a hand through his hair, needing something to do with his hands. “I was fighting with Curtis, had been for a while, and I took it out on you when I realized you were so far out of reach and getting further. You didn’t deserve any of the things I said and I’m ashamed to have said them. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“It doesn’t change the fact that you said them and meant them,” Keith says slowly. “I know you meant most of them. You’re shit at lying.”</p><p>“Things have a warped truth about them when you’re angry,” Shiro says. “I may have meant them in the moment, when I was hurt and mad, but I didn’t once I finally calmed down. I don’t mean them now.” He holds up his hand, ring finger devoid of any ring. “If anyone is bad at relationships, it’s obviously me. I fuck up any meaningful relationship, Keith. I fucked up <em> ours </em> spectacularly.”</p><p>Keith eyes his hand. “No ring?”</p><p>“Divorced. Break up was not long after our call. Papers were signed recently, though. Surprisingly amicable for a divorce.” His laugh is dry, forced.</p><p>“You started avoiding me on the way back to Earth,” Keith says, moving on from the topic of divorce like he didn’t want to linger on it.</p><p>Shiro nods. “I did.”</p><p>“You were my best friend, Shiro. You started treating me like I was just another officer on your crew. You never told me <em> why </em> and...”</p><p>Back then, the specter of their fight at the clone facility hung heavy and unaddressed between them. Shiro had apologized in the vauguest way he could get away with, for the mark on Keith’s face, and then had squirmed out of any further conversation Keith tried to have about it.</p><p>“It was my fault, not yours,” Shiro says. And it’s too late, far too late for the words  to make much of a difference, but… the look on Keith’s face, the sadness and insecurity, guts him. He’ll give all the apologies, take all the blame, to make that look go away. The blame belongs with him anyways.</p><p>Keith shakes his head. “You can’t just say that and not tell me why.”</p><p>“I was scared. And I pushed you away because of it. I don’t think I’ve ever made a bigger mistake than that.”</p><p>“Scared of what?”</p><p>“Of how you made me feel. I—”</p><p>“Don’t,” Keith interrupts, voice rough. “Don’t. Not now. Not when we’re…”</p><p>
  <em> When we’re still broken, when we’re still so fragile, when the weight of words like that will crush us instead of letting us fly. </em>
</p><p>Shiro can fill in a million different ways for that sentence to end and he understands every one. He nods. “Not now,” he agrees.</p><p>He hopes Keith hears the implication of <em> later </em>, hopes that he will maybe want to hear it later, when they’ve started bridging the gap that yawns between them.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Keith. For all of it. I never meant for things to get so bad. I never meant to break things between us like this. I know that I’m the one who caused this and I’m <em> sorry </em>. I’m sorry I hurt you. I want…” he breaks off, swallowing hard. The words stick in his throat.</p><p>“I’m sorry for the things I said, too,” Keith says. “And for the things I didn’t say when I should have.”</p><p>“You don’t have anything to apologize for.”</p><p>“I do. We were both assholes, Shiro. Let me apologize, too. We both fucked up.”</p><p>“Mmm.”</p><p>Keith rolls his eyes. “What were you saying you wanted?”</p><p><em> You </em>, Shiro thinks, meaning it with every fiber of his being. But that’s another one of those too-heavy sentiments for how fragile they are.</p><p>“I want to be friends again,” Shiro says, trying desperately not to let hope take hold too tightly. “I want to have you back in my life. Another…” he swallows hard. “Another chance to get it right.”</p><p>And maybe that’s too heavy too, but Keith should know. He needs Keith to know that this isn’t Shiro wanting to walk them back to just friends. This is Shiro wanting to build their friendship back up, wanting to see if they can be <em> more </em>this time, if that possibility arises again from the ashes.</p><p>Keith shifts, winces at the way his leg moves. “I think we could try that,” he says. There’s a ghost of a smile on his lips.</p><p>Shiro wants to see it bloom. Keith’s smile has always been beautiful and he can’t wait to see it again, to be the reason for it, maybe. He also wants to kiss it off his lips. Admitting he’s in love with Keith is a revelation, really. So many of his reactions to Keith make sense now that he is willing to look at them head on.</p><p>He’ll hold onto the words until Keith is ready to hear them, until they’re on steadier ground and Keith can see the truth of them from how Shiro treats him.</p><p>Rebuilding their friendship is the priority now.</p><p>“Good,” Shiro says with a smile of his own.</p><p>The silence between them is comfortable for the first time in ages. Shiro basks in for a minute before having to break it.</p><p>“So, why are there druids after you?”</p><p>“We were tracking the same quintessence signature,” Keith says, something hesitant in his voice. “I caught wind of it a few weeks ago and it feels… Shiro, it feels like <em> Allura </em>.”</p><p>Shiro’s jaw drops. “Allura?” he whispers. “You’re sure? Is that possible?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Keith admits. “But I have to try to follow it if there’s any chance of it actually being her.”</p><p>“I’m coming with you,” Shiro says immediately. “Please, let me help?”</p><p>“You don’t need to go back to Earth?” Keith asks, still guarded.</p><p>“Nothing pulling me back,” Shiro says, the truth of it making him feel free. “I have everything I need with me and you’re here. No reason to go back, as long as you’ll let me fly with you.”</p><p>Keith flushes a little. “Yeah, we can do that, I guess.”</p><p>Shiro opens his mouth to answer but is cut off when Keith whips his head around to the window on the far wall, just in time to see a wormhole explode into existence. Kosmo whines into the silence, watching as well.</p><p>“Shit,” Keith says. “We need to be ready to move, Shiro. The druids are going to sense that and who knows what’s coming through.”</p><p>“I think I have an idea,” Shiro says, grinning. Sure enough, the tip of the Atlas exits the wormhole and the ship blooms in his mind, bright and smug. “Pidge is here.”</p><p>Keith looks at him in disbelief. “You two stole the <em> Atlas </em> to come rescue me?”</p><p>“I would steal more than that if it meant saving you,” Shiro tells him. One day he’ll tell Keith exactly how he fell apart at the news of his death, will see if Keith wants to tell him about the times he’s lost Shiro.</p><p>Shiro’s comm buzzes. He opens the link to the Atlas and angles it so both he and Keith are in view on the small screen. Pidge flickers to life, Lance and Hunk behind her.</p><p>Shiro laughs as they all try to talk at once. His family is all here now, back in space. Or almost all of it. But once they’ve taken care of the druids that Keith is already telling them about, they’ll be searching for the missing piece. For Allura.</p><p>“Tell them I’m flying us over and get an update on your mom’s ETA,” Shiro whispers over Pidge’s lecture. “We can tell them about your mission once we’re safe.”</p><p>Keith’s eyes are soft when he looks at Shiro and nods.</p><p>Shiro’s heart feels full and his bones thrum with determination as he turns towards the cockpit, ready to fly into whatever the future has in store. This time, he’s determined to not let go of a single member of his hard-earned family.</p><p>This time, he’s not letting go of Keith. </p><p>This time he’ll fight to keep him, to love him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*eyes emoji* fix-its gotta fix everything right? </p><p>thanks for reading! find me on <a href="http://twitter.com/LionessNapping">twitter</a> if that's your jam.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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